


King Again

by Agent314



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gansey feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Polyamory, Post-The Raven King, Romance, Some Humor, Temporary Character Death, The Raven King Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-10 06:41:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6970360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent314/pseuds/Agent314
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since waking up from the dead he feels a little more; like having some Cabeswater inside him is making him something else, and cheating death one more time is something he can be proud of. He feels like his feet are a little better rooted on the groud; allowing him to stand even when his knees are trembling.</p><p> </p><p>Because the world need a little more Gansey actually feeling things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alive

**Author's Note:**

> I just love Richar Campbell Gansey III so much and I need the feels, you know, I bet a lot of you do too, so here is my try at it, I hope you like it!

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that he _knew_ Cabeswater was responsible for bringing him back; he couldn’t _feel_ the forest inside him but he _knew_ some parts of it where there.

 He also knew Noah was gone (for good this time), and this he could _feel_ in his heart.

The second thing he noticed was that even thought death had been painless:  living was not. His entire body hurt; his chest felt tight like he couldn’t breathe properly, his lungs were burning trying to get oxygen to flow again in his system, most importantly; he felt like his heart was aching, both literally and metaphorically, because he was afraid and sad and so incredibly relieved to be alive that his heart just couldn’t handle so many emotions all at once, and because he had just died and his body was making him feel it.

The third thing he noticed was the smell of Blue’s hair in his face; the tightness of her embrace and the softness of her voice in his ear. He could also feel his hands being squished to death by whom he could only guess were Ronan and Adam on either side of him.

“Holy shit” He heard Henry Cheng whisper with awe in his voice, even if he was standing a little apart from the group, not yet comfortable with the way they seemed to be merging into each other, having a very private moment.

“You’re alive, everything is okay now, you’re alive” Blue kept saying into his ear, not letting go of him even though Ronan was trying his best to steal him from her grasp “Everything is going to be okay now”

“Fuck you, Sargent, give him some space” Ronan barked without bite, he sounded exhausted and he probably was; they all were exhausted “He needs fresh air or something. Damn it!

Blue snorted but relented, letting go of Gansey and helping him sit down on the cold grass, it was no longer wet or filled with black, the demon was gone and everything was in relative quiet, like nothing had happened at all.

 Ronan offered him a hand to help him stand up and when Gansey took it he pulled him up and into a hug, breathing in and being comforted by a faint smell of mint, almost embedded into Gansey's skin.

“You’re an idiot. Why didn’t you tell me?” Ronan was shaking; it was not something Gansey was ever going to point out but it made his already fragile heart break a little more “We could have done something different, I don’t know what, but this was too dangerous”

“Who are you and what have you done with Ronan?” He tried to joke, holding his friend tight “Since when is anything too dangerous for you?”

“Since you were dead just two minutes ago, asshole” Ronan said, letting go of him and looking straight into his eyes, he was mad about it, but mostly afraid “Never do anything like that again, I swear I’ll kill you if you do”

“Promise” He answered, because there was nothing else he could say.

Adam, who had been oddly quiet and distant, tapped Ronan on the shoulder; silently asking him to move aside. It took Gansey by surprise that Adam didn’t seem angry or upset; he was tired but calmer than the rest of his friends.

He took his hands with care, making sure to place his thumbs on Gansey’s wrists to feel his pulse, sighing when he found what he was looking for.

“You’re alive” Adam said, voice barely a whisper, looking at Gansey’s hands like they were precious, tears finally pooling in the corners of his eyes “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” He said, even thought his body hurt; because he was alive and he couldn’t complain “What about you? Are you okay?”

It seemed like the wrong thing to say, because then Adam started crying, and then he threw his arms around Gansey; trying to keep himself together and to really reassure himself that Gansey was alive and well and there.

“Such a Gansey thing to do, you just died, worry about yourself for once” Adam said, trembling in Gansey’s embrace “Jesus, what a mess have we made of ourselves”

“It’s alright, we’re okay” Gansey said, trying to make Adam believe it, trying to make Ronan, Blue and Henry believe it “We’re okay”

Honestly, he was just trying to make himself believe it.

* * *

 

Going back to Monmouth becomes quite the ordeal.

They are forced to call Declan (“Mathew is okay now, call you later”) and 300 Fox Way (“How did it go? Are you alright? Did rich boy bite the dust?”) , and of course, Gansey’s Mother, who was besides herself with worry and also a little bit angry at her son for missing the fundraiser (“You should have called if you weren’t coming”) but somehow they made it home.

There Gansey notices a fourth thing, and it is that since waking up from the dead he feels a little more; like having some Cabeswater inside him is making him something else, and cheating death one more time is something he can be proud of, he feels like his feet are a little rooted on the groud; allowing him to stand even when his knees are trembling.

He also feels a little bit less; like dying has taken something from him (maybe it did) or maybe it’s the fact that his second life just lost meaning after finding his -literally -dead welsh king, everything he wordked for turned out to be just a pile of bones, and dust and death. It made him feel unreal, like he's dreaming and not actually there, like his friends are just mirages that are going to dissappear into thin air; just like Noah did.

He doesn’t know how to feel right now, but he guesses he can think about that tomorrow.  Right now Blue is dragging him to his bed, in the middle of the living room, and Ronan is already there; waiting for him to lay down even if his own room is not too far away. Adam is taking out his shoes, which means they’re all sleeping there for the night.

“I should go” Says Henry, standing awkwardly by the door, looking at them like he feels he doesn’t belong “Mom is in town; she’ll worry”

“Do you really need to?” Gansey asks, not to be polite, but because he really wants Henry to stay, just like Adam said once; he really likes his "things" all under the same roof, having his court around him makes him feel safe.

“Yeah, but I will be back tomorrow” He says, rubbing his neck “I mean, if you want”

“I’ll be happy if you do” Gansey answers, because it’s the truth, but he also understands Henry is new to this friendship, he’s still not as comfortable with the others as he is, this thing they have might be too much at first.

“I’ll be happy too” Blue says, and gets up from the bed to kiss Henry on the cheek; a goodbye kiss, because now she can do that “See you tomorrow then”

Henry leaves and they’re all left in silence, there’s too much to say but they’re all too tired to say it.

Gansey is lying down in the middle of his bed, glad for the size of it, because Blue is curled up on his side, her hand on his chest and she is quietly pressing soft kisses on his shoulder; just because she can. Ronan is on his other side, holding his hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of it, trying to fall asleep and not dream. While Adam is lying next to Ronan, his hand resting on top of Blue’s hand on Gansey’s chest, and it feels right, it feels confortable; like home, even if there's still space for one in the bed and they're all trying to ignore it.

It feels like family; and for the first time in a long time Gansey falls to a dreamless sleep.


	2. Kingship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after

_Cabeswater is not really a forest._

_Cabeswater is a thing that is too old to remember and it had other shapes in the past; it’s been giants and mountains and dreamers and kings, but never a young man like the one they are now. Cabeswater is used to being shapeless, dormant under the skin of the earth, over the sky, everywhere and nowhere at the same time, but now it’s like they’re not._

_They’re not longer them, they’re not longer something, and they simply are not more._

_It would unsettle them if they were someone, or something, but they are nothing no more, they’ve been a lot of things in the past, but not being is not something they’re used to, so they go back to sleep; like they were doing before the Greywaren gave them shape; before the magician woke them up._

_Cabeswater has been a lot of things in the past, dreamers and dreams, mountains and forests, old queens and older kings, but now they’re just a boy, because they owed two people a favor, and Cabeswater’s never been a liar._

* * *

 

When Gansey wakes up he is crying, little tears escaping his eyes without permission, he is covered in limbs that are not his own and warmly surrounded by the people he loves most; and yet there is a sadness inside him he can’t silence.

He takes his time getting up; they’re all a tangle and he doesn’t want to wake them, they’ve been through hell and they all deserve some rest, he stands over them, watching as they mend themselves into a unit again, filling the gap he left in the middle.

 Ronan and Adam turn to each other; Ronan’s face into Adam’s chest, bags under his eyes being hidden from the world as Adam’s long arms surround him. Adam´s hair is a mess and they are both bruised and beaten; he hates to see the little patches of discolored skin and knowing they will only get worse before they get better.

Blue has her back to Ronan, they are touching but just barely and one of Adam’s hands find his way to her shoulder, a whisper of a touch; fingertips lightly posed on bared skin. She is hugging Gansey’s only pillow, her face hidden into it so he can’t see the drying blood under her eye, or the redness of her nose after crying so much last night. She has a hand reaching for someone who is not there, he doesn’t know if it’s for himself or for Noah, but he likes to think it’s for both.

He makes his way into the bathroom/kitchen and looks at himself in the mirror, he is startled because for a second there is nothing there, and then suddenly there is. His face is gaunt, the bags under his eyes deep and dark, his lips cracked and dry, his hair is caked with dirt and yet he almost looks okay; like he was only out having adventures once again and just came back from exploring the cave where he found nothing.

He undresses slowly, still a little shaky from literally dying not even 24 hours ago, his fingers struggle when he tries to unbutton his pants and he feels a bruise on the small of his back when he stretches to take his Aglionby sweater off. When he finally gets into the shower he lets the water go as hot as it can be before stepping into the stream and closes his eyes; he just stands there under boiling water and hopes it can wash away his sadness and his pain.

It becomes unbearable when his skin begins to burn and he realizes he really is alive.

He turns down the heat a little but doesn’t get out, he is trying to stop his shoulders from shaking as he silently sobs in the shower, he feels pathetic and small, completely unworthy of Noah’s sacrifice and his friend’s love, so he just tries to get all the Gansey the boy out so he can put his Richard Campbell Gansey the third on.

He is completely aware that all of his friends will hate him a little bit for it, but right now there is a storm they need to take care of. He’s known he was going to die for a year and that didn’t stop him from trying to take care of his friends before, it sure as hell is not going to stop him now that he knows he’s alive and well, and that they’re alive but broken; because Roan’s mom is dead, Adam tried to kill the one person he loves, and Blue just had the thing she’s being afraid of all her life happen.

Gansey is not sure what he is anymore, but he dresses himself the only way he knows how to; khakis and a bright orange polo he doesn’t wear often because it’s the same color of the pig but right now he doesn’t care, just to feel a little more in control of himself he puts on his contacts instead of the wireframes that he knows Blue prefers.

Gansey is not sure what he is anymore, he’s been told too many times that he’s a king, a prince, a presidential person, but today he’s going to be just a knight, he’s going to protect his family from the storm that is going back to real life after a long magical nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel like I need to apologize for my english is something doesn't feel right because it's not my first language so; excuse my grammar.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried!


End file.
